First Time I Opened My Eyes Or, A Series of First
by meruhen
Summary: How life changes in the space of a few years for Yanagi Renji.


**Title**: First Time I Opened My Eyes (Or, A Series of Firsts For Yanagi Renji)  
**Fandom:** Prince of Tennis  
**Character(s) or Pairing:** Yanagi Renji (references to Yukimura, Sanada, Kirihara, Inui)  
**Rating:** PG  
**Warnings:** None  
**Word Count:** 3,300 words  
**Summary:** How life changes in the space of a few years for Yanagi Renji  
**A/N:** Written for the LJ com 1character, using theme set "eta". Except I missed my claim by like 4 days (I thought I had more time :x) but I didn't want this to go to waste.

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#01 - Fair Play

There are some things Yanagi believes in - foremost among those is winning and winning by fair means; it's just easy to skew the meaning of the term 'fair' when someone protests, because it's always objective.

#02 - Bones

He thinks that is one reason why he fits in better at Rikkaidai than he would have at Seigaku and it makes him, deep inside, happy that his family decided to move; he doesn't think like that when he limps home after practice, everything aching, even his bones.

#03 - Desire

When he falls into bed after a particularly grueling practice, Yanagi thinks about what his life would be like without Rikkai and the picture his mind provides scares him: there is nothing but a blank gap where there was once a swirl of emotions; it is not real and he should not worry, but the image hurts, somehow, and there is a pang in his heart where Rikkai - and his friends - are.

#04 - Flower

Yanagi sneaks into the locker room to place the flowers he knows Yukimura likes in there, the night before the captain returns; no one is to know he was the one that placed them there, but it does not matter - he cares more for Yukimura's return than for being acknowledged for a simple gift.

#05 - Hat Box

Yanagi's mother gives him an old hat box when she cleans out the attic his freshman year of middle school, and he loves the old, antiquated look of the box - there are words of promise written on the top and he knows right away what to use it for; by the end of his third year at Rikkaidai, it becomes one of his most prized possessions, filled with more memories than even his mind can store.

#06 - Jump

_Are you continuing on at Rikkaidai's high school_ is the question that lingers on everyone's mind - and a few tongues - and Yanagi feels his heart leap to his throat as he waits for his best friends to answer the question posed to them by a fourth person.

#07 - Mother

It is Yanagi's mother, who teaches him to appreciate art and literature and love, and above all life; that is why he can not lie to her when she speaks to him about matters he has attempted to not think about, and it is also why he comes to the realizations he has been hiding from when she sits down to talk to him.

#08 - Father

It's Yanagi's father who teaches him tennis at first, and honesty during those lessons and _that_ is why he can't lie to his father, even though he risks losing everything he loves; it's a sign of his father's love and respect for him, Yanagi thinks, when he finds himself wrapped in an embrace instead of being kicked out.

#09 - Saliva

Yanagi's first kiss happens within weeks of starting high school: a girl, not knowing, presses herself to him and leans up to kiss him and Yanagi finds it to be quite vile; his mouth is filled with saliva and instead of being excited, he is quite disappointed.

#10 - Kaleidoscope

He thinks about that first kiss later, when he's at home and resting beneath his blankets, the time when he does his best introspection, and he wonders if any kiss will make him feel like his friends make him feel, or tennis; there was nothing thrilling about that kiss, but the world he loves - it is a kaleidoscope of emotions and he would not be content with something less.

#11 - Primary Colors

No matter how horrible a day has been, or how badly Yanagi slept the night before, thanks to thoughts that would not leave, tennis manages to make it better; in playing, he thinks he sees everything just that much sharper, sees people in a somewhat different light - the intense, grueling games they plays shows depths he wouldn't see elsewhere.

#12 – Ideal

There is one person who meets Yanagi's ideal of what a person should be, and that person is the only one Yanagi can not get data on – and knowing that, Yanagi wonders if he would still be as drawn to the enigma if that were not the case.

#13 – Challenge

Attempting to figure out and analyze actions, especially those of a certain person, captures Yanagi's attention and quite often, he will spend more time on studying the data he has gathered in a day than on his homework – the homework is easily done, but the analysis of people proves to be more enjoyable, for the simple reason that he can never figure it out at once.

#14 – Scar

A year should have passed before he saw a familiar face, recognizable because of a mass of curly hair, bright green eyes, and arms that would never be free of scars, but it was only a few months from his leaving that Yanagi was being attacked with a single demand; it was one thing he should have known but hadn't, and the surprised delighted Yanagi enough to make him laugh, unfretted and free.

#15 – Face

Yanagi has never considered his development late - he just does not chose to partake in the so-called joys of masturbation; but when he wakes up one morning with a face in his mind's eye and sticky sheets, he thinks that maybe he was wrong.

#16 – Unzipped

The number of times when Yanagi feels unhinged, overwrought, unzipped, or any other slang term that defines an emotional state that is not calm, confident, or in control, he can count on one hand; the realizations that hit him after he finally collects himself after waking up that odd morning make him realize he can add yet another number to that small count.

#17 – Comfort

His friends attempt to offer him some comfort when they realize how upset he is, but nothing works – one of them can't comfort people at all, and the one who could comfort him is the cause of the disturbance in his emotions; so Yanagi seeks out everything he knows will take his mind off of the swirling emotions in him: a hard, fast game of tennis, grueling training before and after, an evening spent with someone who will occupy his mind with mindless games, a hot shower, and a simple bowl of chicken noodle soup.

#18 – Homeland

During the hot, humid months of summer, in those weeks that they have off from school, Yanagi's family traveled away from Japan, and Yanagi, for the first time, experienced homesickness, for the people who had come to be family and for the place he loved – his home in Kanagawa might not have been the place he had spent all of his life, but it held the most beautiful memories of all for him.

#19 - Window

When his family returns to Japan, a day before school resumes, Yanagi takes the window seat on the plane and watches closely, as they circle the city and prepare to land - if he closes his eyes, a natural habit for him, he can almost pretend that he can see his friends beneath the layers of clouds and smog.

#20 – Try

It's raining when they arrive back in Kanagawa, and Yanagi is left staring out his bedroom window this time, instead of the airplane window, at the rains pouring down outside; he wants to attempt to go out, but between his mother and her worry and the fact that the rain gets bad enough to knock out the electricity, he knows better than to try.

#21 - Black Cloud

The first day of school, the first full day Yanagi is back in Japan, the sky is still dark with black clouds that do not just threaten rain, but deliver the promise of rain: it is pouring as he walks to school, early enough to be the first one of the team at the school and heading for the locker rooms; it has been three weeks – the entire time he was gone – since he last played tennis and he can not wait to play again, even if it's inside, and simply volley practice rather than a match.

#22 – Call

Yanagi isn't listening for anything, or anyone, that morning; his early arrival made it possible for him to make his way to the gym they used on such rainy mornings and begin to practice, skipping the machines designed for practicing alone for a simple wall, a single tennis ball, and his racket, and as elementary as it seems, the play draws Yanagi in, until someone calling his name startles him from his tennis-induced reverie.

#23 – Design

There are times when Yanagi can see the larger design in little things, see a pattern that connects instantly in his head; but most of the time he relies on the philosophical bent of his intelligence and forgets to look beyond the details for the larger picture – it takes a friend, one who sees the drive in him, to remind him to stop relying on his learning and to trust his instincts.

#24 – Concentrate

It's that same morning, that his friend has to remind Yanagi of such a thing: after tennis practice, friendly greetings and demands for souvenirs and even hearing of pleas from another to never leave like that again, Yanagi loses himself in the rain and his mind; it's not a pleasant thing, and it takes a soft reminder to not think so hard for Yanagi to pull himself from his thoughts and concentrate on the feeling of the rain against his skin as he crosses from the gym to the school building.

#25 – Bite

The day, despite the rain, wasn't cold, but as the day wore on, the temperature dropped, growing cold enough to mimic early winter by early evening, and even the wind had a bite to it; but Yanagi found himself enclosed in a house he knew almost as well as his own, a warm cup of tea in his hands, sitting with his two closest friends, and the odd day outside wasn't as big a concern for him any longer.

#26 – Power

There are only a few people with any power over Yanagi and he trusts them all; that's why when he gets a phone call at one in the morning, he doesn't hesitate to leave his house and make the trip to what was once a familiar section of Tokyo; he still knows the way, after all, and the person who awaits him on the other end is still – or once again – a friend.

#27 – Fingers

His friend's fingers are a mess and unable to hold still, and Yanagi wonders if this is what he will be like when he experiences such a first: but the thought makes him wince, internally, because wondering that means he would have gotten his heart broken, and there is only person that can do that.

#28 – Damage

Yanagi spends the night in Tokyo, and doesn't make it home the next morning; he wants to make sure his friend does no lasting damage to himself, because his friend has always been the dreamer of the two of them and Yanagi thinks, privately, that he, Yanagi, is the stronger of them; he probably didn't need to be there, but when he's quietly thanked, Yanagi knows it was the right thing.

#29 – Glue

Yanagi receives a test message when he should be in first period, but is not - _where are you_ it asks, and he thinks his reply is sufficient and will receive nothing after that - _holding someone together_; he isn't expecting the reply he does get - _you should be helping hold us together_ - and Yanagi doesn't know what to think about it.

#30 – Natural

When Yanagi returns after a day long absence, he feels uncomfortable, awkward, and unnatural; he's been gone from school before, but with reason, and there was never a message floating in the back of his mind; but once he gets there, it is easy to forget how he felt, for things fall into place, almost too easily.

#31 – Respite

The weekend is rarely a break from life for Yanagi, especially after summer ends and everything becomes much more serious: school, homework, tennis, life; but there are a few weekends where they get more time off then normal and Yanagi takes advantage of them – studying a book he has been wanting to read, spending time with his family, or enjoying the simple pleasure of his friend's company, talking over take out and trying to tease a smile from that rarely cracks.

#32 – Disaster

Disaster strikes at the wrong times, in the worst of ways: sometimes funny, looking back on it, and sometimes cruel, but Yanagi has learned to avoid disasters, or potential disasters, as best as he can; it doesn't work usually, but he tells himself it's for the best as he carefully refrains from mentioning a deep secret during a game of truth or dare – even the forfeit is better than the truth.

#33 – Accuse

The game of truth or dare never goes as Yanagi wishes it would, especially when it is with his sister, who he believes is a changeling, even if he recognizes someone of his own traits in her: she knows all too well that he lies and refutes his statement, refuses to allow him to take the forfeit, and finally, accuses him of not trusting her; it's the thing that does him in, due to the closeness of their relationship, and she finally gets the answers from him, which he dreads: she spends the rest of the evening giggling, rather insanely, Yanagi thinks.

#34 – Morning

When Yanagi wakes up in the morning, he usually moves from asleep to awake with few problems, unless he was kept up late or is startled awake by something, which happens more and more often as he grows, thanks to hormonal changes or the machinations of his sister, and Yanagi isn't sure which one he hates more: hormones will end, he hopes, eventually, but it seems like his sister screaming "fire" or "are you dreaming about that boy?" in his ear will never end.

#35 – Haunted

Since the attempts to comfort his friend, they have grown closer, and for the first time in five years, since he first left, Yanagi is haunted by those memories, and he wonders if the past is going to come back to mock him; it's unlike him to worry about something that can't be changed, but it bothers him until he breaks: unable to sleep, he sends a simple message – _I'm sorry_; he knows his friend will understand.

#36 – Wrong

Being wrong is something Yanagi does not expect, but happens every now and then: after all, he is human and no human is perfect; he accepts this, but it still disturbs him and he often spends hours following such an incident learning something new, to make sure it won't happen again; but Yanagi isn't sure how to act or what to do when he's wrong about his friends – it's times like that where he wishes he kept journals on everyone, to analyze, instead of storing the information in his mind.

#37 – Note

Yanagi doesn't dread Valentine's day as much as certain people he knows; there are always a few gifts for him, but never a lot and no mad rush of girls trying to make sure he eats their chocolate; but what does mystify him about one Valentine's day are the notes left for him, penned in a hand he does not recognize (although the curve of that stroke and this looks familiar, he thinks) and signed with no name.

#38 – Go

They call it team bonding, but it's not really bonding; they're already close; instead, it's pranks or playing, skipping a practice or two every now and then to make their way to the campus they had last been officially at a year ago, to drag their remaining member from the courts so they don't feel incomplete; when it's Yanagi's turn to suggest a game, they end up playing Go in teams, which results in an all out war – yelling, accusations of foul play, and an eventual overtake of the board thanks to one person; and Yanagi laughs harder than he had in a long time.

#39 - Upside Down

In one rare moment of confusion, Yanagi's world is turned upside down and he doesn't know how to right it; it's not a huge thing, but it's enough to startle him and to make the usually self-assured teenager unsure and wary of everything, even worse than what the hormones have caused; he trips over his own two feet and even worse, starts to doubt every bit of data he had taken over the years; the bad thing: he had not even given the other person a chance to react to it before fleeing.

#40 - Keep Out

Plagued by doubts, haunted by confusion, Yanagi's mien goes from serene to troubled, his demeanor telling the world to leave him alone; but there are people who don't listen to such nuances in a person's body language, choose to ignore it for their own reasons, and Yanagi often finds himself with a silent companion for lunch, or on the walk home: it's comforting, in ways, to know his friends won't desert him.

#41 – Sides

There are no sides to pick and choose from, no fights to get in-between, even though two of them are not talking; it makes Yanagi reconsider his ideas about them being a triangle, for then there would be sides and corners and problems; they are a circle, he decides, and complete in each other and never ending.

#42 – Separation

The separation hurts them all, and Yanagi sees that, knows it in ways that go beyond seeing, even; it takes the courage he thought gone to make the first step to heal the breach, but everything is made okay when he sees the smiles in both faces when he rejoins them for lunch; they're whole again, all of them, and Yanagi can sleepy comfortably at night once again.

#43 – Trail

"Think of it as a trial," his sister tells him, when Yanagi tells her the situation; those are the only words she offers, but he thinks on them later, and realizes she is right: friends stay through those hard times and if they hadn't Yanagi would have been better without them, even.

#44 – Liar

Yanagi is no liar: the truth might be harsh but in the end, he will always face it down, even if he wishes to hide from it; when he is confronted with the question _–"Did you mean it?"_ - he can only answer honestly: yes.

#45 – Hour

Hours pass by far too slowly for Yanagi, even if he is dreading the inevitable confrontation after school, and he spends the time in class staring at the clock: each second is a minute, each minute an hour, and each hour an eternity, stretching on to his future.

#46 – Easy

The thing he was dreading was almost too easy, Yanagi thinks later, when he can think again, and he laughs about it; it's one thing his knowledge can not teach him: patience, how to not worry about something so huge, and how huge it would really be.

#47 – Tie

The only time Yanagi is glad their uniform includes a tie is when he finds he is being drawn forward with it, and everything that happens after that makes up for that dreadful first kiss: the excitement people whispered of, the passion, it's all there and Yanagi finds he can not get enough of it; it's hard to pull back, hard to stop, especially when the other person doesn't want to either – but the world calls to them, the life they lead, and they break apart finally, to rejoin those waiting for them.

#48 – Sense

Everything changes after that; Yanagi senses spring in the air when he leaves his house after that fateful incident; spring is late but finally on the way, and he can not help but smile on the way to school, the promise of a new beginning around him - but it's not a beginning, it's only the continuation of life.

#49 – Education

A smile promises more, later, and Yanagi returns the smile with a grin of his own; the knowledge that he will gain from that promise is only a part of growing up.

#50 – Change

He thinks about the changes sparked in him when he shouldn't be – Yanagi misses notes, for once in his life, but he has no need of them; the thoughts running through his mind are more important and worth the study; he ponders the fact that he once upon a time did not think he would be in the situation he is now – and decides his belief then, that it would be better that way – was wrong: nothing can beat the feeling inside him.


End file.
